PAST LIFE DIARY 1 - Story 6 - You never know when you're gonna die (Jeremy)

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GONNA DIE (Jeremy)

Q: What exactly happened to Louise? Show me how she died.

I'm here in the room at the hospital. The medical staff is around her. I don't feel much emotion. I assume they are helping her successfully. I don't realize the severity of the situation until I hear the word "heartbeat".

Q: What happened to her?

Jeremy: Her womb ruptured.

Q: Can you tell me more details about that?

Jeremy: It doesn't matter. When you lose someone this way, the medical details really aren't what you're preoccupied with.

Q: Show me when your neurological symptoms started.

I'm outside. I'm still living in New York.

Q: Where are you going?

Jeremy: Over there, to the other side of the street.

Q: What is over there?

Jeremy: The bank. I'm going to get some financial things in order cause I think I won't live much longer.

Q: How old are you?

Jeremy: Almost forty seven, was it? No, wait. I've lost track of my age. Forty five, yes, I'm forty five.

I have a tremor and difficulty walking. I know it's my nerves and assume this means that it comes from being nervous. I appear a lot older than my age; hunched over and trembling like an old man. I've already been having a problem speaking since a while. I call it a stutter, but it's more like my speech is hampered. I have a cough too. It all started with the cough. I consider it the result of having been nervous in the past, and now I'm stuck with it even if I'm not nervous anymore.

I'm now at the bank in a tiny room, the size of a toilet. It's a booth with a door where you can fill in your papers in privacy. I come out of the booth and walk over to the counter. I'm smiling. I feel calm and relieved. I've brought things in order financially, and this makes me feel satisfied. I've gifted my money to my children, so they won't have issues with inheritance later. As I walk away from the counter, the lady from the bank calls my name. It's either Mr. Richards or Richardson. I've heard him being called Mr. Richards before from the doctor who came to the house after he had a stroke. At the time, I wasn't sure about it since I already gathered from another scene that his surname ended with "-el" or "-elle". I'll have to ask further for clarity about that. Maybe the other name was his wife's surname, but I don't want to make assumptions. The lady's wearing a gray dress. She's pointing with a pen, telling me to put the paper in the letterbox over there. I'm walking slowly. The issue I have with walking is not so much that I can't walk well, but rather that I move so slowly. I need patience with my body to do simple things. I feel like I've been taken over by this condition which makes me feel stuck inside my body. I feel powerless against it. I want to go back to Tennessee. I miss my mom and family.

Q: Show me when it became apparent that it's serious.

I'm outside at work. I'm bent over, either placing something or picking something up. I get stuck halfway the movement I'm supposed to make. A coworker notices and asks if I'm okay. He calls me Miah. Miah - from Jeremiah - was his nickname at work.

Q: How old were you when Charles died?

Jeremy: I was forty three. He was a year older than me. I miss him so much.

Q: Did you have a relationship with him after Louise died?

Jeremy: She's the love of my life! No, we didn't. We'd hold hands sometimes, but we couldn't do anything beyond that cause it's not socially acceptable, and I have my children as well.

Q: Show me when you realized what might be wrong with you.

I'm older now and live in Tennessee. I'm sitting at a table reading a newspaper article. It's about some medical tests they did on some people, and side effects to medication. I think these side effects are what I have. It later turns out that's not the case cause I have been taking a different kind of medication.

Q: Show me when you were given a diagnosis.

I'm in a building by the entrance. It's a hospital. I see a brown nurse, wearing white pants. I'm amazed to find that nurses are wearing pants now. How times have changed! My daughter Susan comes to me. She calls me daddy. She looks so much like her mother. She even has bangs too, just like Louise used to have. Her hair is shoulder length and straightened. She looks very concerned about me and adjusts my tie. I'm wearing a gray suit. I'm convinced that I don't have much longer to live. There are so many things wrong with my health; I'm surprised I'm still around! We're sitting near the entrance for a while. I can't open my mouth well when I speak. As the doctor approaches to tell me it's my turn, I get stuck and can't even respond. This happens sometimes. I just have to wait until it blows over. My daughter is telling the doctor about this symptom. Once the episode is over, they both help me get up. When I walk, I lift my feet up unnaturally high. Inside the doctor's office, I'm shown a bunch of documents, and the doctor explains the results of a number of tests that have been performed on me. I'm sure it's all very interesting, if only I could understand the medical terminology! Basically, he's saying that parts of my brain are dying. He calls it Multiple Sclerosis. We leave the office.

Q: How do you feel about the diagnosis?

Jeremy: Ain't nobody got time for that Sclerosis guy!