IN & OUT OF LIFE - Chapter 108 - The life of Daany Etöö'm

THE LIFE OF DAANY ETÖÖ'M ~ 264-352

Most of the material from this life comes from a session facilitated by a colleague. At the time I didn't know where it fits in on the timeline. When it came up again, I asked for the name and didn't gather much more information. The initial session starts as follows...

I see a donkey or a mule. I see some soil. I'm short. I may be female, but I'm not a 100% sure. I'm kind of young, maybe fourteen or so. I'm rubbing the donkey's side with my right hand. It smells like poop, but I don't mind. It's a female donkey, I know that. She looks at me and turns her head, and I see her eyes. It's kind of pretty. I think she's communicating with me.

Q: What else is happening?

- : Not much. There's a metal bucket.

Q: What goes through your mind?

- : Not much. There's not a whole lot to think of. I'm expecting someone to come back - a man. I have to stay here cause someone has to be here and take care of the few little tings that need to be done.

Q: Is there anyone living with you there?

- : At the moment, there is just that man who's gone to do some stuff.

Q: Is he your father, brother, husband? Who is he?

- : Definitely not a husband. I'm not sure if I even know who he is. I think he just found me somewhere.

Q: Let's go to another scene in your life where something happens.

I see a fountain, a small fountain. It's kind of cute. It's made of stone. I'm really enjoying looking at the water. I'm barely looking over the edge cause I'm short. That guy is here. He allows me to enjoy this, to just look at the water. He's wearing boots and leather. He's doing some things that need to be done.

Q: Is this the same location as before?

- : I'm not sure if I know. I think it's not far away from the house. But the donkey seems to be here as the pack animal that we use to carry our things, not necessarily to carry us.

There's a tiny house which is like a chapel. It used to belong to an old woman, a really old woman. The man knows this person. He knows her quite well. He's kind of a little bit ugly, I guess. He has a big scar running over his eye, maybe from a knife or something. I feel like me and him have been living together, just the two of us, for most of our lives. There aren't a lot of people. Meeting this woman is a bit of a highlight, something that doesn't happen all the time. 

Q: Do you have any knowledge of what era this is?

- : The number 400 comes to mind. But I don't know if that's according to our calculation. We don't seem to have a lot of awareness about history or time or anything. It's like you just come into the world and then you don't think about it a whole lot.

Q: So, you don't meet many people.

- : No. I think we avoid people. I think I know that there are people, like a tribe maybe in the distance. I'm not even sure if they're human. I don't know what to expect. I probably haven't seen them, so I don't know. They might be enemies.

Q: So what happens? Do you have to hunt? Do you do gardening?

- : Gardening, yes. The bucket is important. I see something like turnips or white carrots. There's definitely gardening, yes.

Q: How's the weather?

- : I'd say it's moderate. We're well dressed, but it's not really cold or anything.

Q: Do you have forests?

- : There are not a lot of trees that I can see. It seems there's a hill or mountain, some kind of rock. Maybe the other people live behind that.

Q: So it's kind of hilly?

- : A little bit, not too much.

Q: Are the hills covered in green grass or is it dried out?

- : I don't see a lot of grass at all, no. 

Q: So, are the hills just rock?

- : Rock, yeah, and a little bit of green. It doesn't occur to me that something might be behind it or that the world might be a bigger place. I'm perfectly content with the small little things around me.

I don't seek to explore anything.

Q: So, what's happening in your life?

- : We sit by a fire. I talk to him. He's pretty big. I'm pretty small. I'm a short person compared to him. He's in his fifties or so. He's gray and has a beard. We're wearing a bit of furs and stuff. He's kind of cutting something with a knife by the fire.

Q: So, what are you talking about?

- : He tells me things about stuff that happened, supposedly, stuff that I wouldn't know about, so I don't know if it's true of not. He talks about tribes and people that used to fight and then such and such happened and that's why we had to flee - so he says - and had to hide in the mountain, like in a cave… It's fascinating to me.

Q: So, you're in exile? Like a hiding situation?

- : Maybe from his point of view, yeah, although I don't think anything has happened… recently. It seems he's just afraid to go back into society. He doesn't know what the hell is going on. It's kind of like when some disaster happened and you're afraid to go look. I feel like some disasters have happened. I feel like we are living after some big disaster or war. And we are the survivors of that, trying to start life anew with the basics and the simple things, growing vegetables and all of that. I feel content. It's good to know that you've survived.

Q: Let's move to another significant scene in this lifetime.

- : I have grown. I think I just didn't anticipate myself growing any taller than I was, but I seem to be about eighteen years old now and fully grown. I'm quite slim. I'm wearing a variety of things. It's not really cold, but we do wear furs and stuff, shoes or animal skin that you wear as socks or shoes.

Q: Is the man still around?

- : He is, but he's in not such a good state anymore, so I have to do some stuff cause he can't go out and hunt. I have a bow and arrow. He's a little bit more immobile now, so he stays and gives me instructions. He's worried that things will go wrong, but I've grown up and I can go out and do things on my own. I start to explore a little bit. Whereas I used to stay home and he would go out, I'm now going out, and I discover things.

I now see autumn leaves on the ground and I hear animal noises, like maybe an owl. I wonder if some of the noises are from animals or maybe spirits. I think it's fascinating. Oh my god... Now I see a guy, a young guy, like maybe in his thirties. And I'm just so amazed. I did not expect to see another human being.

Q: Is he just passing by?

- : He's coming this way and I'm coming that way. I think he's equally shocked to find me. We don't talk. We just kind of look at each other. He starts moving from side to side as if trying to make it hard for me to shoot him. Maybe he's afraid of me cause I have a bow and arrow. He doesn't seem to have anything on him except for a pouch. He seems to think that I might hurt him. He starts to run away. I try to tell him not to run away. I want to know who he is and where he comes from. I shout after him as he's quite nimbly running away. I've lost him now between the trees. I'm almost crying cause I just want to talk to somebody. Now he's making that sound again, like "hoohoo!" I thought it was an owl, but it turns out it was him, and now he's making that sound again. I sit down and let him know that I'll be staying here. I sit here carving the tips of the arrows, and sing.

After a while, he does come out and starts to talk to me. I don't understand his language. He's talking and gesturing at the same time. It's a very different language from what I'm used to. So, I'm just like 'Hello' and I chuckle. I'm glad that he came out. Now he sits with me and starts to explain something, trying to communicate. He's telling me stuff and it's starting to make sense, the way he's explaining it to me. He's trying to build a story in such a way that it makes sense. He's saying something about a stone and the village, I don't know... a mountain... I don't know.

And then, I feel like: What do we do now? He grabs my hand. I'm wearing a bracelet on my left wrist and he's asking about it. It's kind of organic, like chunks of wood. He keeps pointing that way. I guess that's where his village is. I again ask him who he is. It turns out he's not alone. He calls out to his companions and they come out. They all kind of walk jumping around like that, kind of light on their feet. They all look the same to me cause they're all dressed the same. They're bald with a patch of hair in the middle. They're not wearing much - not entirely naked, but bare chested and everything. They also have a bit of feathers and stuff. They all talk to each other, so they all talk the same language. And I notice that it's such a variety of people; each of them has their own voice. It really amazes me.

Q: Are they white or do they have dark skin?

- : They're kind of in between, like medium brown. I want to maybe introduce them to this guy that I live with. I ask if they know him.

Q: What do they say?

- : We can't communicate very well, so they're now talking to each other like trying to guess what I'm saying. I'm pointing this way, and they apparently come from that way. So then, we just leave it at that and I go ahead and hunt some rabbit or something. I hope that I will meet them again if I will come to this place again. It's really exciting, you know, cause they're kind of… handsome. You know, they're young men. I don't think I've ever had these feelings cause all I know is this old guy that I live with. I didn't know that there was such a thing as feeling: Hmm, he looks good. And furthermore, there's a few of them. It's interesting. So, I feel really happy today. I feel really productive cause I had quite an experience. I go home with my rabbit and I take a detour cause who knows what else I might find. I find a small stream. I look at it and enjoy the sound. And I have this (dead) rabbit. The fur is really nice. I keep singing. I can't take the smile off my face.

Q: So what happens when you get home? Do you tell the man who lives with you? 

- : I'm almost home now. He's already coming towards me and he's like: 'WHERE WERE YOU?' He's not happy about it. He's like: 'Didn't I tell you not to go and explore?! There's dangerous people with arrows and spears, people that could kill you!' To him, the outside world is dangerous and hostile. I guess he just wants to protect me. I'm crying now cause he's angry at me. I'm sobbing as I try to I explain that I had a really good time and that I met some people. Then he's like: 'Okay, calm down.' He apparently realizes that he was maybe overreacting. He tells me to sit down. It's twilight now. I understand of course that, if he loses me, he would be all alone. He says: 'Okay, show me what you got.' Apart from the rabbit, I got a couple of fish or so. I'm still quite emotional and glum as I show him what I brought. He's being nice to me now. He have some herbs. He's going to make a fire and cook now. But then… these guys apparently followed me, and now they're here. The old man pulls out some kind of weapon and points it at them. He grabs me close to him. I think he's overreacting. They don't seem to be holding any weapons. Maybe they have them, but they're not pointing any weapons towards us. This is suspenseful. I don't know what's going to happen. They're circled around us. One guy approaches me from the back and gropes at something that I'm wearing - either my fur pouch or the rabbit skin that I have with me. I think they're trying to negotiate about trading something cause that's how you establish a relationship with people, like: We have this and you have that, so let's trade. That's kind of the formula for trying to be friendly.

Q: Is the old man going along with that?

- : It's as if what is happening now is what he has been trying to avoid for all these years. So, he's very… I wouldn't say he's having a panic attack, but he's not doing well. And he's also at an age where he might easily lose his cool. He doesn't know what to do. So, the guy backs off now. My old man - I'm stunned and amused to find out - knows their language. He's talking to them now, and I have no idea what the hell he's saying.

Q: Can you tell from the emotional reactions what's going on?

- : There's a lot of emotional reactions, but I'm clueless. I look to that side where I see one of the guys standing. He smiles at me, and I smile at him while all of this is going on, kind of ignoring the whole situation.

So, it seems this is going to take a while. They're still talking and moving around. They're all men, and they're all dressed the same. Then, finally, the guy that initially approached me invites us to sit with him. He's maybe the front man, cause the other ones keep standing. That seems to be the etiquette. I look around at all these men. At first glance, they all looked the same, but I'm now noticing the differences between them which are a little more subtle. One is a little taller than the other, etc. My old man tells me to make something to drink, so I go ahead and do that, but I'm not used to ever needing more than two of anything. Now there's a bunch of people for whom I have to make a lot of something. I'm clueless when it comes to numbers; to me there's one and two, and then there's many. There's only about ten of them, but I've never seen this many people.

Q: How's the conversation going?

- : The old man tells me to sit down. There's a few tree logs that we use as chairs. It seems he's talking about me cause he keeps referring to me. I kind of smile cause I really hope one of these guys wants me, but I wouldn't know which one to choose cause there's so many of them. Well, this is a lot of fun.

Q: So what happens?

- : It's really dark now and they have been talking for a long long time, I guess about the past and about all the things that happened in between. They seem to be coming to some type of an agreement. I'm really tired and I just want to sleep, but they're not leaving cause there's still stuff to talk about, so they're sleeping here outside. I have a soft, leather blanket. It's so nice. We're sleeping outside and there's a fire going. There are so many voices. It's not quiet as usual, and it's starting to be a little annoying that there's no peace and quiet to sleep. People are moving around. I'm not used to this. A dog comes to lick my face, a big dog. He cuddles up to me.

Q: Is this your dog or their dog?

- : It is one I'm familiar with, yeah. I don't consider it my dog specifically - I don't consider anything or anyone to be mine.

One of the guys - it's so dark now that I can't tell who is who - comes and sits with me and the dog. He kind of squats and pets the dog and talks to me. I have picked up at least something from their language that I can reply. After some time, he leaves. I feel so happy, blissful. I didn't know that the world was this big and this wonderful.

Q: What happens the next day?

- : Well, I'm on the ground and it's rough. I'm lying on my back and there are twigs underneath me. It's always a bit of a pain in the back when you wake up. I get up and have to pee. I go where I usually go to pee, which is by a tree. My old man is already up and moving about. The other men are sitting squatted in little groups and he's serving them drinks. Who knew that he knew all these people?

Q: Do they leave after this day, or do they stay longer?

- : Eventually I do go with them. There's a cart. There are metal decorations on the cart, but it's quite simple otherwise.

The old man is not left alone. He's staying, but he's staying with some of these guys now. They're building something together, like a farm. They're working together. But I go some other place where there are women and tents and children. It's a bit scary all at once cause, if I had seen a dozen people before, there are now more than a hundred. It's so daunting, like I don't know where the end of it is - who knows how many more people there are? It's a big open place with people doing stuff, speaking this language which I don't think I could ever learn. I guess the agreement is that I should find myself a man, so they took me somewhere to see who that man might be. There are a few. They're pretty open about it. They bring out whoever is interested, and then, a few games are played in order for the candidates to show off their skills like jumping on one leg and doing difficult things to impress me. The other women are standing by and cheering. It's going to be a tough choice, but it's going to be too much for me to make a choice now cause I'm overwhelmed. And they respect that.

I'm given a small tent. I feel so overwhelmed that I'm glad to be alone in this tent. I'm sitting with a leather or fur blanket wrapped around me, cuddling up and kind of shutting everything out cause it's all too much.

Q: So in this society, do you, as a woman, choose your partner?

- : I don't know what the system is. I can just say what my current experience has been.

Q: So, what is your current experience? Are you choosing? Or is it the guy who chooses?

- : I don't know, I just know the things that just happened. I don't know how they usually do things. I'm just taking it in. I cannot judge or make any conclusions at this point about how they live their lives.

Q: But, for the situation that you are in now, are you under the impression that the choosing is on your side?

- : No, I think it's both ways.

Q: But you do have a say in it?

- : Obviously, cause they wouldn't be trying to impress me if I didn't have a say. It's all a lot of fun. It's like a festivity and the whole town is taking part in observing this display. It's not a private matter. Everybody is kind of involved. It's nice. 

Q: So, let's move to the time when you actually choose a partner.

I just see two guys. I don't know if I'll have to choose one of them eventually, but there's two guys and we all live together in one tent. It's really small - I guess we only use it for warmth. Most of life seems to be taking place outside, which was already the case with me and the old man. I'm amazed that I did learn some of the language. It's not that hard. They're teaching me slowly and are patient with me. I guess they are both still trying to impress me. They seem to be brothers.

Q: Do you go hunting together? What do you do together?

- : No, I don't think the women hunt at all. Typically, they stay with the kids and make sure everything is okay. No, I don't think it's a woman's business to be hunting.

Q: So what do you do together?

- : I don't do much. We're just outside most of the time. When something needs to be done, we do it, but a lot of the time there's just not much to be done. But we socialize and sit with the children and talk to them. It's quite peaceful. And then, when the men come with an animal, we're happy. We then start cutting up the meat and cooking. We also dry the meat.

Q: So, while you're living in this village, did the old man join you? Or did he stay behind?

- : He stayed behind. He seems to have had a project that he wanted to work on, but him being on his own and me not being a whole lot of help - it needed more man power - well, I guess he explained it to these guys, and they agreed to do it together. He really wanted to do it in that particular place, so I guess that's the agreement. I'm not sure how it evolves, maybe into a water wheel or something which involves water - maybe a well. I'm happy. 

Q: So, let's move to another significant time.

They do have a system of writing. It's written on something that's a light color, maybe the inside of an animal hide. There is writing on it, like little blocks of letters, quite simple. They're letters rather than pictograms, each one representing a sound. I'm outside with an older woman. I don't know how old I am, maybe in my late twenties. I speak their language but not very well. I do have an accent; I don't speak it the same way that they do. They say it's cause I have a different tongue. The old man who raised me has joined me. He's quite old now and it had been quite a while since I saw him, so I didn't recognize him immediately. He had changed. I just know that some bad things happened to him. I don't think I know what it was. I think it was traumatizing and that he was maybe too young at the time to even have a clear picture of it, like a lot of stuff had happened and he lost a lot of people, so he held onto me cause I was all he had. We just live day by day. Nothing much happens. We just take life as it comes.

Q: Are you still with the two young men?

- : One of them has another woman. He chose another woman. I'm with the one that's a little bit shorter than the other. I kind of feel like we're friends. It's not like an indestructible bond that we have. It's more like we agree to be together and that's how it is.

Q: Do you have children?

- : I have a few, yeah, maybe three. They're not that big yet. I also get the impression that the lines are kind of blurry as to who belongs to whom. There are kids running around and they're all kind of everybody's kids. It's not like I gave birth to them and therefor they are my kids and my responsibility only. It's like everybody contributes in some way and all the children are the children of society. It's really communal.

Q: So, what else happens?

- : I have a young child of maybe one year old inside the tent. The child is strapped to the ground. There are four pins in the ground, and this child is lying wrapped in a blanket and strapped so that it doesn't move. It's done to encourage growth. That's what we believe. The child has to lie down every day for a certain amount of time.

Q: Till what age do you practice this?

- : About six, but it gradually gets less with age.

Q: What else happens?

- : There's a lot of cutting up meat. Big animals… big, big animals. It does take a lot more people to deal with it. These things require cooperation between people. That's how we work. It's effective.

I'm singing again, while I sit and cook something on the ground. I have two braids now with decorations in my hair. I feel like I might be in my thirties or almost forty. It's hard to remember my life before all of this. I feel like I was ignorant.

Q: So, joining this new group expanded your life.

- : Yeah. And they took me in. I don't know what I brought to them, but they wanted me also. I don't know why; I don't know what I brought with me necessarily.

Q: What else is happening?

- : I'm pregnant again and I'm noticeably bigger than usual. People are commenting, like: Wow, that's a big one. It's hard to breathe and hard to sit cause my belly is so big.

Q: So, let's move to when you give birth.

It's nighttime. We're inside of a tent. There's a few other people - a guy with a knife and maybe a couple of women or so. We have again this system of strapping people. The ankles are strapped to these two pins in the ground with the legs spread so you can't move them. The arms are also strapped. This is the only way I know how. They say that this facilitates the passage for the child. Meanwhile, someone is putting a wet cloth on my face and comforting me. I just want to get this over with. I'm pushing and moaning. The sounds I make are part of the ritual. It's not something you suppress, rather, it's almost something you're required to do. There is also singing in order to encourage the process, to make it into a celebration. It's warm. I feel the child leaving my body now. It is quite big, a big head. Oh my goodness! It's a big baby. I kind of thought it might be twins, but maybe it's just one. Oh!!! I definitely ruptured something, but the child is out now. This one feels a lot bigger than I'm used to. They're attending to the child.

Q: Is it a girl or a boy?

- : I don't know - it's a bit dark - but it looks really big, a big head also. The gender is not revealed immediately. That's on purpose.

Q: Why?

- : I think it's cause we are supposed to be content with whatever we get. It's to encourage acceptance of the child before you know what gender it is. After about five to seven days, one of the elders comes into the tent and reveals the gender to the mother specifically. She would be sitting on a special chair in order to receive the news.

Q: Who takes care of the baby till that time?

- : A few women. There's a team of about five women that do this cause, after you've given birth, you're supposed to recover. And so they kind of do all of that work, and you're supposed to lie down, lie down, lie down. Slowly but surely, they let you sit up and get back to usual. So, in the meantime, the child is given to you, but it's wrapped in such a way that you can't see the genitals.

Q: So, what is it? Is it a boy or a girl?

- : I wonder. I think it's a girl, but I'm not sure. And I'm so curious. My husband knows and he chuckles, but he's not telling me, of course. We're in a relatively big tent. Today is the day that the gender will be revealed, but the time is moving so slowly. I'm waiting. It's a whole ceremony and they just make it so long. I mean, you've already been waiting till the end of the pregnancy, and then you still have to wait.

To my surprise, the person who comes in to reveal the gender is the man who raised me. He has lost some weight now and he's kind of hunched over. He's maybe in his seventies. To me, he has always been old; I've always known him to be gray. He's wearing something special on his head, like an animal head. I would say he's taking his time, but he also needs his time cause he's slow. He's hoarse. He doesn't just say it outright. There's a whole package of things that need to be said, like a little story. It's tradition. The whole story has to be said, and then all of a sudden, the clues will be there, inserted into the story. Then you'll know what it is. He made a little poetry about it in which I'm mentioned (about when I was little, etc) and then he says: 'She will look like her mother.' So, this means it's a girl. I look at the child now as I'm holding it. I'm crying. I don't think the child is entirely okay, though. I think the head is unnaturally big. That doesn't seem to concern us, but maybe the head is a little bit too heavy. We'll see. It's not an issue for now.

Q: Let's move to another significant scene.

For some reason, I know that I'm sixty seven, but I don't know why my hair is still black. I still have these decorations in my hair and the partition in the middle. So, I don't know if they count years in a different way (and thus I'm in fact much younger), but maybe we dye the hair. As far as I know, I'm sixty seven. I'm sitting down on the ground. There's a celebration going on. These people have a lot of celebrations, like all the time. This time it's about cattle. I don't even pay attention to it anymore. They always have a reason to dance and jump around cause it's the only entertainment that they have.

Q: Is your daughter with you?

- : Yes. She just is quite big. Her head seems to be larger than it should be. 

Q: But she's healthy otherwise?

- : I think so, yeah. I think I just gave birth to an almost-giant. Her proportions are a little bit different. It's not an issue, but she is kind of big all the way, unlike most people. That's just how she came out, and that's how she still is, so she just grew bigger than people typically do. But nobody seems to think that this is an issue. After all, I did come from outside of the tribe, so maybe they think it's something genetic. Nothing much goes on that stands out. There's lots of celebrations going on. There's all these people, and it's not really clear how everybody is connected to each other. It's just one big family.

Q: Let's move to the last day of your life. How old are you?

- : Eighty eight, I think. 

I have a very annoying, dry cough. It's driving me crazy. It's affecting my chest, and it's affecting my back. I don't know what to do with it cause it's so dry. It makes me really grumpy. I just want to be left alone. I want to leave the tribe and be on my own. That's what I feel like doing.
Q: But you're weak and sick, so how could you do that?

- : I wouldn't say I'm weak and sick. No, I'm not weak and sick. I just have this annoying cough, back ache, chest ache, headache… you know, a lot of aches. Yes, I do have a lot of aches. But I'm mostly grumpy.

So, I go off on my own. I go to a stream and I put my feet in the water. It's refreshing. I just sit here and enjoy myself. I enjoy the solitude so much, just being on my own, being quiet. I can hear them in the distance, but the fact that it's in the distance, that it's quiet, just gives me such a sense of peace. I lie myself down on my back with my feet still in the water and put my arms up behind me like this. It's so relaxing and it relaxes my chest also. Someone comes to me. He looks like my husband, but he's my son. He says something to the effect of: 'What do you think you're doing?' He grabs my hand and says: 'Come on, up, up, up! You're coming with me!' He's a little bit like my old man used to be, like I'm not supposed to be off wandering on my own. I'm protesting as I go back with him, and I'm slower than him cause I'm old. I'm grumpy, but he's used to that. He's holding me by the hand and I can't quite keep up with him. I step on a branch and twist my ankle, so now I'm like: 'Look what you made me do! This is never going to heal!' I'm old and things don't heal so fast anymore. He's calling for help to carry me away. I think he feels guilty now. I'm in a lot of pain, but I don't want it to show cause I'm angry and I want to keep up the attitude.

I'm now inside of a tent with the door flap open, sitting on the ground with my legs stretched in front of me. Someone (a young person) is checking on the ankle. I say: 'Leave it alone, leave it alone. Don't touch it!'

They left me alone now. I'm crying cause it's so painful. I'm lying on my back, crying and moaning. I feel so… helpless. Furthermore, I'm not happy anymore. I need peace and quiet, you know? There's always something going on here. There's always action and talk. I'm lying on my side now. I have to pee, but I'm not going to get up. I think I will just sleep and it can wait. I fall asleep. Then, I see someone above me in the tent. I see his face. It's the man who raised me. I'm starting to think that, maybe it has just been me and him all along, and nobody else. He's asking me if I'm ready to come. I say: 'And leave all these people?' He says: 'Yeah, sure! Why not?' I say 'okay' and leave it at that. I don't try to do anything. I just kind of agree on the spot. I fall asleep and feel very peaceful. Now, feeling very peaceful as I do, I all of a sudden hear the sound of people talking around me. They're in a panic about me being dead. I wasn't aware that this had happened. I guess they came back to attend to my ankle and found me not responding. But it's okay. I just kind of slowly float away, not very high. I feel like I'm being carried away. It's pleasant. I lovingly say goodbye to these people. It has been nice knowing them and their way of life. I'm very grateful.

Q: So, where do you go?

- : I meet one of my children who died. She says: 'Let's go back. I will show you the way.' She takes me up. Things, of course, resemble my preconceived notions of what I expected of the afterlife - that's kind of how it goes. I'm just taking off with her. I'm greeted by others whom I've known, and they congratulate me. It's like two rows of people and I'm moving in the aisle between them, seeing people left and right.

Q: What were the main lessons of that lifetime?

- : Somebody, like god or a commander, greets me at the end of the aisle. He asks me: 'How did you like it?' It seems that this lifetime has been chosen for me by others, so they're asking for my opinion about it. There were some elements of it which were chosen for me which were not my own choice. 

Q: What were the main lessons?

- : First of all, it has to do with the old man that I grew up with. It's about the fact that I was alone with him to keep him company and that that was enough somehow. It seems that he has done the same for me in another lifetime where he kept me company at the expense of having more of a social life. So, I experienced that it's possible to stay with someone and that it's also possible to let go of someone. There's also the theme of living a life where nobody really belongs to somebody else, where everybody just lives in a community. There was not much distinction like: This is our house, our family, my children...

Q: Was that a freeing experience?

- : It was interesting. Maybe it's one that I previously didn't think possible, that I needed to see proof of it being possible to live this way. It's just an experience, one of many experiences. I think I also chose to live in that place with these people in particular cause I found it interesting.

Q: Do you think you did well in that lifetime?

- : Yeah, I think there weren't many mistakes to be made cause it was such a peaceful society. It was a society where there was not a lot of hierarchy. Everybody brought something to the table and it would be equally as important. Everybody was accepted. Everybody was good enough. Even the way that they joked about each other's weaknesses was all in good fun with a sense of humor. It was almost like we'd highlight and celebrate the imperfections. It was not considered something to be ashamed of. We could joke about it. There was the mentality that, if you can't do something, we'll help you. That was just a given. We'd do everything together if we could.

Q: Do you recognize any souls?

- : I think the old man was the soul I call H1. He doesn't say it's not him. He says he didn't want me to recognize him immediately.

Q: What went wrong in his life that made him want to be isolated?

- : They were different times. There were some other small tribes, and there were some short people - quite short, but quite violent. They were also shaved bald with a piece of hair in the middle. They seemed to have been living in hiding as they came out of apparently nowhere, wreaking havoc. One day, he found a bunch of people dead, their throats cut open with blood. He was maybe ten years old at the time. That kind of painted a picture of the world around him. So, his reality was that you can't trust strangers and everybody else is dead. He was still living in that state of mind where he felt that nothing is safe and you have to be careful cause people will kill you.

The rest is from a session I did on my own.

I'm barefoot, and I'm wearing a brown dress with a belt in my waist. I'm hugging a tree trunk - not a thick one. It's a bit windy but not particularly cold.

Q: How old are you?

- : Twenty three or so, maybe older. 

I have some square pictures in a small, wooden chest. They're charts of lunar positions and agricultural dates for planting. You can calculate other things with the help of these charts, things to do with childbirth and weaning, for example. We also measure time by the length of our braids. There are also some bamboo sticks in the chest. They function as flutes, each giving a different sound. We use them in hunting. We can also use them to communicate with each other from a distance. There's also a small patch of gray fur in the chest. It was my wedding gift. As part of the wedding ceremony, I put my hand on the fur, and my husband put his hand over mine, intertwining fingers. Then we said our vows, him stating that he'd protect me, and me stating that I would keep his tent warm.

Q: What's your name?

- : My name was Igh-Khee, but I have another name now that I live here. It needed to be longer and more distinctive. I'm now called Daany-Etöö'm. It means: She who is well humored.

The "m" at the end is not quite audible as it's produced by merely placing the lips in position without the nasal vocalization.