IN & OUT OF LIFE - Chapter 106 - The life of Franciscus

THE LIFE OF FRANCISCUS ~ 148-204

I feel the outer corners of my eyes. I have pretty brown eyes, surrounded with kohl. I have curly, black hair, fashioned in waves at the top, the front part held in a cowlick by a metal hairband. I use white powder on my face. I'm a male but not a man. I dress as a female prostitute. I'm wearing a sleeveless, light blue dress with a high waistline. We (him and another guy whom I recognize as H2) put small patches in the upper part of the dress in order to simulate breasts. We have to be careful when we move so they don't jump out of place. My biggest problem is the hair on my legs. It's really copious and grows back fast. I often cut myself when shaving. It's not a pretty sight.

Q: How old are you?

- : My name is Franciscus. I'm twenty nine, supposedly, cause my voice is too low to pass for a younger woman. I'm actually fifteen. My "sister" helps me with removing facial hair. I paint my eyebrows on.

Q: What about your eyes? Why are you feeling that tension in the outer corners of your eyes?

Franciscus: That's something we experiment with to enlarge our eyes. It's rather painful. We put a little stretcher in at night. You have to stretch slowly. Otherwise you might end up tearing the skin. You also don't want to cause redness of the eyes.

Q: Why are you working as a transvestite prostitute?

Franciscus: My brother and I were on a wagon with a group of women. When we came to the city, some of the younger women started inviting men into their rooms. I watched and learned.

Q: Go back in time and show me how you ended up with these women.

I'm outside of a house with a reed roof. The house is on fire and there's smoke. I think my mother is dead.

Q: Show me what happened before that.

I come home and find smoke coming from under the door. I see her lying on the bed with my little sister. I rush out and call my brother Joshüü who's approaching the house, apparently unaware that the smoke is not just from cooking food. He's a little older than me. My little sister is sitting up, waving with one hand. She's my half-sister actually; her mother is my stepmother. I call her by her name and tell her to get out immediately to call father. I grab my (step)mother by the ankles and start to pull her off the bed. It's hard cause I can't breathe well. I realize I need to get out of the house. I now go and call my brother. 'The house is on fire!' I shout, gesturing at him to leave. 'Mother' he says. I say: 'No! No mother!' trying to get him to move away. My sister, wearing a white shift, comes and grabs my hand. I think it was suicide.

Q: Why do you think that?

Franciscus: Oh, you don't know her! Her moods are very erratic. When father leaves, he tells us to be good to her and all that. She killed her previous baby; I'm sure she did. She did it to manipulate father, I swear! My brother told me to be careful with her. Then, one day, we would leave. Father married her cause he needed a mother for us after our mother was kidnapped.

Q: Kidnapped? How did that happen?

Franciscus: Oh, they're looking for women, pretty women to serve as concubines and sex slaves for wealthy people.

Q: How old are you now? And how old were you when your mother was taken?

Franciscus: I'm eight now. Father says I'm a big boy. I'm not sure how old I was when mother - we're actually not even allowed to refer to her as mother - was taken. Maybe four. No, Joshüü says he was four, so I couldn't have been four at the time. I remember a tall and handsome guy came and flirted with her. As he was so friendly towards her, I wondered if he was an uncle or a friend of my father. My brother pulled out a long piece of wood and threatened the man. I was just looking on with my thumb in my mouth. The man chuckled cautiously, and then pulled my mother violently by the arm. He then pulled his sword or knife and threatened my brother and me. Mother told him she'd go with him, begging him not to harm her children. I told my brother to let her go with the nice man if she wanted to. I assumed she'd come back the way father always comes back too.

Q: Show me another scene of your life.

I'm now in a large room with white walls and a pillar somewhere in the middle. I'm wearing a short, white tunic, a headband, and reed sandals. My hair is almost shoulder-length. The middle-aged man who lives here comes back into the room. I greet him with a smile and a nervous laugh. He's quite relaxed, but I'm not. This situation is a bit new to me. My brother is here too but in the other room. 'Your brother is resting/sleeping' the man says. I nod and smile. 'What about you?' he says, coming closer and stroking my jaw with the back of his fingers. I feel uncomfortable. 'Sir…' I say. 'Yes, my boy' he says, now reclining on a long seat and putting out his hand in invitation. I feel very uncomfortable now and try to come up with a reason why I should leave, a claim that someone is waiting for me in the street. But he moves fast and pulls me firmly by the wrist. Now that I'm sitting next to him, he says: 'Come here, little girl.' I try to speak, but I'm tongue tied. Then I say: 'My FATHER… is waiting for me...' I realize that I'm not convincing, so I try to perform better, adding: 'In the street! Now!' He seems to at least consider the validity of my claim cause he abruptly gets up and goes to the window. The room is on the first floor. That gives me a moment of relief to at least have his big body and imposing person away from me. 'Where is your father?!' he demands. 'Outside' I improvise, pointing at the door of the other room. He smiles, and I notice that he's missing some teeth to the side. Apparently interpreting my attempts to escape as playfulness, he chuckles and approaches again, putting out his hand. He's barefoot and is wearing a robe with yellow and red. 'Come' he says, 'let's sit down and get ourselves acquainted.' 'What is your name?' he says, again putting out his fingers to touch my face. 'My girl' he adds. I understand all too well that this means I have to come up with a girl's name. "Gloriana" I improvise. "Gloriana" he repeats slowly, looking up as if experiencing great delight. 'Shall I perform suction on you?' I suggest. I'm referring to manual treatment. Now turning away from me, he says: 'Ah, Gloriana… I have been waiting… with great desire.' Is this a poem he's reciting? He gets up and dramatically walks up to the long window in the corner to close the shutters. He does so quietly and with an air of secrecy, meanwhile casting glances at me as if this is all my idea. What a clown, I think to myself, as I feel the muscles in my face contort into an unwanted smile. I know that, no matter what I do, this is going to end in my rectum. And I'm still hurting from my brother two days ago. He's been training me - to be a girl, you know? - loosening my rectal muscles cause I'm so tense. But I can't help it; I'm scared. This man… I dare not think how big he might be, if it's equal in proportion to his entire body. I suppose I'm allowed to cry out. I don't think he'd mind. In fact, he might treat me kindly afterwards. Maybe… I should try to feel like a woman. How? How?? How does a woman…? My thoughts are interrupted as he's coming back towards me, his robe practically ready to fall off. 'Turn around, boy' he says in a serious tone before he even reaches me. Just as well, I think. That way I don't have to see him up close. I feel his hands grab the skin above my hips. "Ah, Gloriana…" he softly says. I feel his warm breath on my right shoulder. 'Come here' he says with a painful sigh as he pulls my hips a little closer. I feel him fumbling with the fabric of his robe. Tears come to my eyes as I think of my mother, my real mother. This is not what she would have wanted for me.

Q: Have you seen your father since the day the house caught fire? And where is your little sister?

Franciscus: I don't want to remember. My father (U) sold us on the slave market to ensure our sustenance cause, without a mother, we'd be helpless in his absence. He did need to go out for fishing and chopping wood. He said he'd come and get us back in a few moments time. But we kept traveling with those women. As they would be employed in nice environments, father didn't think the prospect of us growing up among them as the worst option for us. 'I'll come back for you' is the last thing I heard him say to me as I was sitting in the corner of the cart. 'Take care of Giliyana' he said to my brother. My sister, not even potty trained yet, was sitting on the ground between my legs. I looked at my brother, but he was avoiding eye contact. I knew he was thinking about what to do, him being so suddenly faced with the responsibility that comes with being the oldest sibling. I started sobbing. The women were giggling. They spoke a different language which I could barely understand. It wasn't the proper language. The "proper language" according to him would be Latin.

Q: Where is your sister now?

Franciscus: She was taken by one of the women to be raised by her as her daughter. What else could we do? My brother and I are hardly equipped to take care of a little girl. It's better this way. She'll never remember she was our sister to begin with. The woman doesn't claim to be her mother but rather a matron, a surrogate or adoptive mother. She works as a house servant for a widower, and from the impression I get, she's not asked to share his bed. That means my sister does little chores here and there. She's better off than us. When I see her, I know she's oblivious to the fact that I'm her brother. It hurts my heart. I wonder if I'll ever see father again. My brother is angry at father. I guess I should be angry too. This is not what mother would have wanted! For him to leave us… scattered.

Q: Show me another scene from your life.

I'm outside. I'm wearing a short, white tunic and brown leather shoes with straps running crisscross from side to side over the open instep and around the ankle. I have part of my hair tied in the back. I have thick eyebrows now, sideburns, and from time to time, a thin mustache, though I don't like to keep it much.

Q: How old are you now?

Franciscus: Oh, what was it again… twenty six?

My brother's married. She's plump, his wife, with fleshy shoulders and arms. She has blond hair which is a little gray in places. She must be about thirty five. She already had three children: One boy who's chubby like her, another boy who's skinny, and a girl who's medium sized and has a dull shade of blond hair like her mother. My brother and her had two more boys, and then my brother buried the first one. (i.e. the boy died) Then, they had another girl who looks just like my sister when she was young. My brother's wife said she had seven children in total, including one girl she lost as a premature infant. I hope to marry one day, but I'm too much of a dreamer; I don't put things into action. I can't choose, you know? There is one woman in particular I'm interested in. She's twenty seven and unmarried. But she's a bit taller than me and that makes me feel insecure. I tend to stand on my toes when I'm around her, usually in the market place. She's always so busy and we're usually surrounded by many people, so there's no chance of talking with clarity. Given that she's so tall, I sometimes wonder if she's a man, you know? I try to look for clues, but her voice sounds like a natural mid-range female voice. I've had my eye on her for a few months now. She's taller than her father. He hasn't yet announced that he wants to marry her off. I've seen her with her mother, and she looks like her mother, but her mother has softer facial features, looks about ten years younger than her father and still has all black hair. I might ask her brother. I know him. He's also tall. He has black hair, thick eyebrows, and a low hairline. I've lain with him many times. He has kept me company at night when I needed it. He understands.

One day in the stables, I awkwardly ask him if it's a good idea for me to marry Luwinia. He stops his forking, looks at me and says: 'You?… My sister?' He then shakes his head in amusement, and continues working. 'Why?' I say, 'What do you have against me? Tell me!' He stops again, and says: 'Glorianus… You know I have nothing against you.' He pauses for a while, then says: 'You are mine… I thought.' He tears up but tries to hide his face. I take a few quick strides towards him. "Marianus..." I say, and touch his upper arm, 'She could be mine. Do you agree?' He turns his face away, and nods. 'Go ahead' he says. I run out of the stable. 'Ask my father!' he shouts after me. I'm very excited. I have his permission, yes, yes! I will ask her right now! I will go to the house and tell her that Marianus said I'd make a good husband for her. We are going to be so happy! I can't have children cause I'm castrated, but I don't think she'll mind. We can adopt.

Q: When did you get castrated?

Franciscus: Well, when I was growing up, you know? I was almost eighteen. To prevent me from developing even further. I think it was a bad decision, and I regret it somewhat. I'm rather ashamed of it now, but I try to not let it ruin my happiness.

When I get to her father's house, I find some men with animals there, apparently in the middle of something. It's a bit confusing. I guess now is not a good time. Someone is carrying a large vase out of the house, and Luwinia's father is coming out, not dressed for leaving the house. He doesn't notice my presence. I step up to him and say "Marianus!" (it's his name as well as his son's) my voice intentionally deeper than comes natural to me. He looks down at me as if wondering either who I am or what I'm doing here. 'What is it, my boy?' he says, apparently concerned that I've come with bad news. 'I… my… your daughter...' I awkwardly start off. 'Our beloved' I further introduce the subject matter. 'My beloved' I then say, now holding my hand on my chest, waiting to see his reaction. A smile appears on his face and he starts to look around for someone, then calls a young man who's tall like Marianus Junior and has similar facial features but different hair. He tells him to take me to the basement room and keep me there. I go with him and we walk down some steps into the basement. It's quite dusty. He explains that 'the old man' has decided to redecorate the house and get rid of a few things. I don't hear any women's voices. Perhaps Luwinia and her mother have gone to stay somewhere else during the renovations. Why didn't Marianus tell me? Well, he doesn't speak much with his father and doesn't live in the house anymore. His father won't give him the land till he has children of his own. You know how it goes.

Q: Show me if you end up marrying her.

I'm back at the stables with Marianus, sitting with my elbows on my thighs. He asks me what's the matter. I tell him the whole story - He said this; they said that; I didn't say anything, etc… All the men of the family got involved. Marianus emits and ironic chuckle as he recognizes a scenario he can imagine all too well. He asks me if so and so of his cousins were there too. 'I don't know!' I sigh, now distracted from the matter at hand as I try to identify certain people that were present by telling him what they look like. He's excited now to find out how they reacted to the situation. He sits down on a pack of hay, legs spread, and asks me to tell him more. Great! We're going turn this into family gossip. 'Does she not like me?' I conclude with a sigh, desperate for an answer. He walks around, not talking. Instead, he starts whistle. That means he doesn't want to speak. Now what? I'll go to grandma. She's an older lady who took care of me when I used to work as a companion girl. I could tell her anything, but she told me to always keep the details of my encounters with the men to myself, for the sake of the clients' discretion. She'd feed me soup and was really nice to me. She has three daughters who also work as prostitutes. One of them committed suicide. She was unhappy, grandma explained.

I'm standing by her door now. It's a house in a row of houses in a narrow street. It's getting dark and I'm emotional. She opens the door and lets me in. The house is brightly lit. She's busy with hanging up wet yarn to dry. 'How's your Marianus?' she says. 'He said no' I say. She's quiet for a moment, then makes a small grunt. She turns around and comes closer. I'm already sitting down with a defeated but obstinate posture. 'I told you, my boy' she says. 'Yeah… Yeah, you told me!' I say, now starting to sob. She sits down next to me and turns towards me. 'It won't happen' she says as if I should have understood that from the beginning. She suggests I sleep at her place tonight and don't leave the house. I think she's afraid I'll commit suicide like her daughter. I don't feel inclined to do so. I don't think that would make things better. Why won't he have me as a husband for his daughter? Is it because I'm castrated? 'Is it because I'm not a full man?' I ask grandma with honest curiosity. 'Never say that!' she says and grabs hold of me. She places my hands around her as if the hug wouldn't be complete if I don't actively partake in the gesture myself. I feel her chest shaking and understand that she's quietly crying. When she pulls away, I see the tears in her face. She gets up - to wipe her face, I assume. I guess this is too much emotion for one night. 'Shall we have a drink?' I suggest. 'Ah… a drink' she says with a smile.

We're sitting at the table now. You know what I think? I think maybe it's not even because of me. I think Luwinia IS a man after all and her father doesn't want people to find out! I suggest that possibility to grandma, and she laughs. She puts her hand on mine and says: 'Be happy! Don't let it bother you.' She's right.

I stay with grandma for five days and talk a lot to her about all the things that have been on my mind, things I've been wondering about, things I heard people say. She mostly just listens. Then, she says: 'Now, are you going to go back and ask her yourself?' I get up from my chair and say: 'Grandma! Will you come with me? Will you ask with me?' She says: 'No, no, no! Out of the question!' She doesn't sound convincing and I detect a slight smile on her face even though she's looking down. That's my only hope. I have to ask Luwinia herself. I rush out, but grandma tells me to come back, insisting I don't go out cause it's dark and it might rain. The point is that she would be worried about me and she has had enough drama already. 'No' she says, 'Sit here, and tomorrow we will go and talk sensibly to the man.' That sure would make me feel better. Perhaps he'll be more honest to a woman of his age category about what it is that I'm lacking for him to give me his approval.

We're here now at the man's house and it's evening again. We drank a lot. My grandma is merry, and I'm feeling woozy myself. I don't think the talks have yielded results, and I've lost track of all the subjects that they've touched upon, meanwhile putting my plight entirely on hold. Well, at least I'm IN the house, and Luwinia has served the drinks. I need to pee now. I get up, dizzy as I am, and ask one of the teenage boys where the backdoor is, even though I know. It's just that etiquette requires me to pretend like I don't know. I go out and pee in a plant bed. Then, I hear a deep voice. Is that… Marianus? 'How are you?' he says. He then explains that he came to his father's house to "help his sister". I giggle. 'I'm so dizzy' I say, then giggle some more. He smiles, but then says: 'This is serious.' He explains that his father and uncles are discussing re-division of the land for me to have a share in it so that I can marry Luwinia. 'Really??' I say. He nods and almost snort laughs, then puts his hand on my shoulder and says: 'You're going to be a man of the family.' I snort and giggle. He shushes me. It's not supposed to be apparent that I've already been informed about the proceedings in my favor. He kisses me on my cheek, puts his arm around me, and says: 'Let's go inside.'

There's a loud fuss going on inside; an uncle who got a little too drunk is digging up some of the issues he has with his wife. People are trying to calm him down. A tall guy who looks like a younger version of Luwinia's father puts his arm around me and says something which sounds promising, though I'm not entirely sure what he means. The father, red in the face, tells everybody to leave - that's only the beginning of a long goodbye - and that we'll talk more tomorrow.

Q: Show me what happened further down the line.

I'm walking between the trees. My hair is quite long now and my chest is bare. I live on my own. My brother has grown quite fat and is ill now. Luwinia committed suicide just days before the wedding would take place. I guess he - yes, he - was unhappy. It was a shock. We all attended the funeral. The grave was marked as female. Her brother knew. Her mother knew. Her father… She was born with questionable genitalia. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but Marianus confronted me and said: 'Don't tell me you didn't know.' That whole situation messed up my mind so bad that I decided to just leave. Marianus, now in his early forties, is married now. He finally gave in to his father's demands and married a premium (i.e. previously unmarried) girl when he was thirty six. He seemed genuinely happy and so did she. His hair is a little long and wavy now, and he has wrinkles. His father died about three years ago. I'll never forget Luwinia. It's even worse now cause she's dead. I avoid being around people. It's all quite complex, the social positions and hierarchy…

Q: Show me how you die.

I'm fifty six now and I've lost the will to live. I've lost touch with my brother. He became very sick, not quite knowing who he is, let alone who I am. It was painful. His daughter said he would probably die soon and suggested that it would be better if I stayed away. She wanted to protect me from witnessing his demise. So, I left town again. I just wander around, eating whatever I can find, sometimes twigs. I feel abandoned by my father, anchorless.

I enter a temple. It's not a large place. It has light green marble (jade?) pillars which have a broader rim at the top. This part of the pillar is black and made from another type of stone. There's a nice smell of incense. I find no one else here except for a bald man who's burning the incense and taking care of things. He comes to me and approaches me in Roman (i.e. Latin) but I can tell that it's not his first language. He asks me if I'm looking for forgiveness or guidance. I tell him that I just need to straighten my thoughts. I have been thinking too much, a lot of questions without resolve, about my father not having provided me with guidance, about my brother encouraging me to go into prostitution. Maybe I should have had more restrictions. Maybe I was too young to make the right decisions.

Q: Whose idea was it for you to get castrated?

Franciscus: Oh, I'm so embarrassed about it now. It was a woman. I was trying to keep up with her, with the female prostitutes in general, but I was growing up fast and I was uncomfortable with the idea of it becoming hard for me to pass as female. You don't understand… I was living with them in one room, watching them do their makeup, smoothen their legs, waxing their pubic hair… They started commenting on my voice, the way my hair grew… The final draw for me was when one of them remarked something about the little pluck of hair in the middle of my chest. I felt so embarrassed I almost broke out in tears on the spot. I felt hot in the face and slowly walked out of the room, not saying anything. Then, I sat outside by the well and cried my heart out, thinking about my father. When would he come back? When would he make this end? It wasn't the same for my brother. He soon found an opportunity to sell goods and he made a smooth transition from one occupation to another. But the girls… I guess they liked having me around like a doll, as a challenge for them to dress me up and make me look convincing. We had an older woman who would come and judge us on our appearance. Whenever she'd come to our room, she'd pass by me and stop, looking me up and down with a smile, longer than she would look at the others. And then there was the redness in my face from shaving. It was… tedious and tiring. I felt inadequate. Then one day… someone told me there was a way to stop it. I felt very relieved at the suggestion. 

I ask the man in the temple to give me a quick fix, something to end my suffering. He gives me a drink. 'This will put you out of your suffering' he says. It contains camphor. It's nice but has an odd taste. It's the thing that makes you forget. I also smoke the holy herb.

I'm now walking down a wide path. The soil is sandy and there are pebbles but also larger rocks scattered about, so I need to mind them as I walk. I got a haircut somewhere below the ears. It's standing out rather wide now from under my headband. I feel somewhat intoxicated - not drunk, but like I don't care. I'm passing by some low houses with flat roofs. The houses are not attached to each other.

As I'm walking here, I'm losing feeling in my lower legs. Then, I feel a flutter in my torso and shoulders. I guess it's from that stuff I smoked, so I'm not worried about it. Then, I feel a lump in my throat. I imagine that lump being a stone turning round and round. Then, I see my surroundings being an unnatural color, like black with an orange glow. Maybe I'm in the afterlife - I think to myself without finding it peculiar. I don't remember dying, though, but I do vaguely remember having died before. That seems natural to me. I see my father as if he just came towards me on the path. 'Are you okay?' he says, apparently certain that I am. I say: 'Papa… Papa, you came back!' He holds me, and his hug feels smooth like jelly. 'I'm so glad you came back!' I say. I then see my brother behind him, beckoning me to come. He's already turning around. I have to go with him. I do wonder where we're going. I now feel my body lying down. "Amandus!" I hear someone say. It's a middle-aged woman. 'Give him some water' she says. I feel some water being put on my face. Then, as I feel more water being splashed, I startle and jump upright. 'Where am I?!' I angrily demand. The woman chuckles and says: 'We found you by the water well. You had stumbled.' (i.e. fallen) I don't remember being by the water well. When was that? 'Just a few moments ago' she assures me. A small crowd of people is standing around. Apparently, I sprained my right ankle. It's hurting badly now. I pull up my knee, wincing from the pain. I'm in another town, I know that. The woman says they're going to take me to the platform. It's a wooden stage with a roof. It serves as a hospital. The traveling doctor comes to visit the patients there. In the meantime, they are cared for, mostly by women. They carry me away on a stretcher. I feel quite dizzy. 'What happened to him?' a little girl of about seven asks while she's rushing alongside the stretcher. Then I remember having seen my father. 'My father!' I say, 'Where is my father?' If they're taking me away, maybe he won't find me again. 'Stop, stop' I say, now sitting up with my feet dangling down. I'm not sure… Was my father really here or was it just a dream? I try to maneuver off the stretcher and onto my good foot, but I fail miserably and end up landing on my left elbow. 'You stupid man! What are you trying to do?' a middle-aged man sternly says. I look around to see if my father is here. I'm not sure. I feel his presence somewhere at the back of the crowd. I feel quite strange. Then, I don't see my surroundings anymore. I hear voices mumbling, but I don't know what is being said, nor do I feel my body. I'm not thinking, not thinking at all. I just am. I feel suspended in… I don't know. It's like everything around me is elastic, keeping me from falling without constricting me. 'Are you ready?' I hear a man's voice say. Who is this? I open my eyes and see three men looking down on me. 'Am I awake?' I ask. The man in the middle is chubby and has dark hair. It's my uncle. The man to the right is tall. It's my father. I recognize him despite his gray hair and mustache. The man to the left is short and chubby, and now I'm not sure anymore it's a man or a woman. When I think it's a woman, I start to think that maybe it's a man, and when I think it's a man, I again suspect otherwise. 'I have been worried about you' she - yes, she - finally says. I immediately recognize her soul, though I don't know who she is or was to me. I grab hold of her, the flesh of her arms very soft. 'Oh, I've missed you so' she says. I recognize her as the soul of Tina. 

Q: Who was she in your life?

Franciscus: She was absent. She was my mother, of course.

Q: Why did she appear to you as androgynous?

Franciscus: She says it's cause she has a new identity now. She's a man in her current life and she wanted to let me know that it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Q: Did the man in the temple misinterpret you when you asked him for something to end your suffering? Or did the drink have an unintended effect on you?

Franciscus: He understood me to mean that I wanted to end my life. I didn't realize he gave me something quite so toxic. The poison takes a few days to run its course, but it's fairly painless cause your mind loses touch with your body. Eventually, your heart just stops.

Q: Is your brother dead yet?

Franciscus: His soul is already partially here, though in the distance, but his body is still alive. His wife is reluctant to let him go, caring for him like a baby.

And so I wonder…

- What were ancient Romans usually poisoned by? Vegetable poisons were best known and most frequently used. They included plants with belladonna alkaloids, e.g. henbane, datura, deadly nightshade and mandrake, aconite from monk's hood hemlock, hellebore, colchicum, yew extract and opium.

I then did some more research to see if any fit the experience.

- All parts of mandrake plants contain the alkaloids hyoscamine and scopolamine. These produce hallucinogenic effects as well as narcotic, emetic and purgative results. Blurred vision, dry mouth, dizziness, abdominal pain, vomiting, and diarrhea are common initial symptoms. In severe poisoning cases, these progress to include the slowing of the heartbeat and often death.

- Taxine is found in various kinds of the yew plant. The poison is in most parts of the yew plant, but the highest amount is in the seeds. Symptoms may include: Altered mental status; difficulty breathing; coma; convulsions; diarrhea; dizziness; dilated pupils; headache; muscle weakness; nausea and vomiting; rapid collapse; slow, fast, or irregular heartbeat; stomach pain; tremor.

As for camphor…

- Camphor is rapidly absorbed from the skin and gastrointestinal tract, and toxic effects can occur withing minutes of exposure. In humans signs of intoxication include emesis, abdominal distress, excitement, tremors, and seizures followed by CNS depression characterized by apnea and coma.